The "News".

You know what it's about - you can hear it in their feigned nonchalant yet at the same time exuberant voice:

---" I have nnnnnuuueeewwwzzzz - call me!"

I am getting more and more of these calls - girlfriends with "news"...ahhhhaaa....Well, let's see -

Did you buy a fabulous new pair of shoes?

Get that job/part/position you've always wanted?

Are you travelling some place exotic or cutting your hair really short?

Getting a boob job/starting a fitness regime/getting that tatoo?

Redecorating your apartment/buying a house/moving to another city?

No. No, you are not. What you are doing - is getting married. Your news is that you are GETTING MARRIED. That is the News ...and it is good news - don't get me wrong...love weddings...luv them. In fact, been married - probably in the neighbourhood of ....oh let's say 400 or so times to about 8 or 9 different grooms ...Yep - been there....ooohhh ya. Done that -

IN PRETEND TONY'N'TINA'S LAND!!! www.hoarseraven.com/tony_n_tinas circa '96/'97. When we could all laugh along to the bridezilla and familial stereotypes that we all played out together ...but now those stereotypes are being lived out - albeit downplayed a wee bit and I gotta say that black for bridesmaids is pretty A-list....And I loooove my friends - especially this one. And really, was not ever one of those girls who HAD TO or PLANNED TO be married -with children (not sure I even want to have those) by a certain age...or ever! nop, not me...NE-VER! But you can't help but feel a teensy bit inferior - yes, inferior and shitty. Shitty that you are once again the guest and not the guest of honour. Shitty that another someone you know and love has found the 'one' and you barely know what the 'one' should look like...inferior in that everyone, everywhere has somehow found their way to this archaic and yet still very much sought after 'right of passage'...and you - you have not.

And you cajole yourself with platitudes that when they come along, it will be all that much sweeter, that at least you are persuing other avenues in life that are much more interesting and passion-driven than planning a wedding could ever be....and that you are way better off single - (insert diva air snap here) but what pisses me off the most is that I actually do believe that...I've always believed that. But when confronted with a marriage to witness (or many marriages this year) and applaud - it's hard to - say, perhaps plan an equally socially validating party for all your other life's pursuits - and no, birthdays don't count, everyone has those.

You can't register for the next stage of your life if it doesn't involve a piece of paper legally binding you to someone else - can you? Can you? Can I throw a party for embarking on a new adventure - my own business? Can I have flowers and music and gifts for that?...I'm sure that unless "the one" comes with a title like Baron or Duke or has scads of family money that I won't be doing anything even vaguely wedding-esque - even if we do decide to make it legal. In fact, yesterday I decided there will be no bridesmaids at all! Nop girls - sorry. If someone needs to sign something - that'll be my mom. We'll just show up one day and have done it ...and there'll be some sort of party with mixed CD's by D+G...K+A may sing a song, P may do a reading -perhaps of this post --- and we'll laugh and laugh and sigh - and then we'll all dance and eat - lots of food, seafood and an open bar

- Sidebar: what's with the no open bar at weddings people?!! I came, I got dressed up, I bought a gift, maybe 2...you provide me with booze - got it?

Ok, enough, I'm a little bitter and a little sweet today ...still sweet?...maybe tomorrow I will be more of my matter-of-fact self ;-)

Congratulations! A+D, E+M, J+P!!!