Lavalife, Plenty of Fish, Lifemates, perfect match – What do all these catch phrases have in common? The lure of the perfect mate, just behind that finely crafted online profile and ‘just right’ photo they’re there! Or at the very least there lies a perfect meal in your future – perhaps mango butterfly shrimp over a glass of pinot gris and scintillating conversation. Or maybe it’s more like your each holding your own latte at a strip mall in Guilford thinking ‘…if I re-heat that rice, I could have it with the chicken from Thursday for dinner’. Who knows? I’m just saying.
I’m trying hard to break my stereotype as I look for possible mates in cyberspace. I now grudgingly admit that I sort of have one. Only by virtue of not admitting I have one, do I end up falling into the trap of dating the same type of guy over and over again. He’s hard to describe, although many are able to point him out from a great distance, others, like myself are blind to the signs… I tell myself that this time he’s not the same because of one inherent difference, usually something superficial like a job, a house or a car – i.e. if he has any of those 3 he’s already stepped up several rungs on my dating ladder. But if I’m honest with myself I know deep down that he’s the same laid back, nonchalant, pseudo-intellectual, fall-into-things, record playing, moccasin wearing kind of guy I’ve often dated who commits to nothing but criticizes everything.
Take Bachelor #1 for example – cool job, cool place (albeit far from being fully furnished, but add that to my list of ‘usuals’) and cool interests – many of them bang on with my own…sense of humour: sarcastic and glib –nice, like that. Communication over the last month and a half has been fairly constant although mostly via
e-mail and we’ve totaled 3 dates. So, does he ‘really like me’ or just my fishnets – I still have no clue. Girlfriend, see Oprah and Sex in the City, Season 5 re: He’s Just Not That into You.
I know, I know, but it’s an inherent female gene to analyze and if your best male gay friend says that’s normal straight man behaviour for a guy who likes a girl you tend to hang on for more.
But if there are nipple clamps and a brand new never opened toothbrush, neither of which he’s using that evening, are you closing your eyes to the glaringly obvious artifacts of a gigolo? Albeit, a gigolo who likes ‘romantic surprises at the office and reading a good book’ but a gigolo nonetheless?
Bachelor #2 is a fairly recent addition but an interesting and I would say positive departure from my norm. He meets and surpasses all the major criteria of house, job, car, but of course lacks all the creative introspectiveness I imagine I’m so fond of. I fear he may not be as internationally savvy as I am – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing is it? He’s nice! You know, nice? He called the next day to say he had had a great time and we’ve chatted on the phone thrice already – I’m pretty sure that’s how many times I’ve chatted with Bachelor #1, including voicemail, and I’ve known him three times as long!!
But then, even though I’m currently living in the burbs, I am a city gal at heart, and hope to move back there as soon as financially viable and Bachelor #2 is soooo burbs. With Bachelor #2
I have visions of walking my 1.5 children down our long big suburb house walkway and entering my fabulous 5 bedroom + ‘single’ family dwelling with my perfectly manicured fake lawn and I’m screaming inside for a little walk-up flat with retro furnishings where I sit on the authentic hardwood floor sipping wine with friends while my man reads from his new novel…
Scenario #1 may be some women’s dream but scenario #2 is more like mine…I just don’t know which online category or site to pick him from. All is not as it seems on the internet: you categorize yourself; check the appropriate boxes and fill in the relevant templates for whom you’d like to meet, and how you want people to see you – the problem is are others really putting their real selves in the appropriate category?
Are you? Your new cybermate can match all your ‘criteria’ and still end up not being what you want them to be…
I wonder if I can inch Bachelor #1 more into #2’s template or more likely vice-versa…oh- and I forgot to tell you about Bachelor #3. Ooops!
Log off.
© culturalcruise, 2005
I’m trying hard to break my stereotype as I look for possible mates in cyberspace. I now grudgingly admit that I sort of have one. Only by virtue of not admitting I have one, do I end up falling into the trap of dating the same type of guy over and over again. He’s hard to describe, although many are able to point him out from a great distance, others, like myself are blind to the signs… I tell myself that this time he’s not the same because of one inherent difference, usually something superficial like a job, a house or a car – i.e. if he has any of those 3 he’s already stepped up several rungs on my dating ladder. But if I’m honest with myself I know deep down that he’s the same laid back, nonchalant, pseudo-intellectual, fall-into-things, record playing, moccasin wearing kind of guy I’ve often dated who commits to nothing but criticizes everything.
Take Bachelor #1 for example – cool job, cool place (albeit far from being fully furnished, but add that to my list of ‘usuals’) and cool interests – many of them bang on with my own…sense of humour: sarcastic and glib –nice, like that. Communication over the last month and a half has been fairly constant although mostly via
e-mail and we’ve totaled 3 dates. So, does he ‘really like me’ or just my fishnets – I still have no clue. Girlfriend, see Oprah and Sex in the City, Season 5 re: He’s Just Not That into You.
I know, I know, but it’s an inherent female gene to analyze and if your best male gay friend says that’s normal straight man behaviour for a guy who likes a girl you tend to hang on for more.
But if there are nipple clamps and a brand new never opened toothbrush, neither of which he’s using that evening, are you closing your eyes to the glaringly obvious artifacts of a gigolo? Albeit, a gigolo who likes ‘romantic surprises at the office and reading a good book’ but a gigolo nonetheless?
Bachelor #2 is a fairly recent addition but an interesting and I would say positive departure from my norm. He meets and surpasses all the major criteria of house, job, car, but of course lacks all the creative introspectiveness I imagine I’m so fond of. I fear he may not be as internationally savvy as I am – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing is it? He’s nice! You know, nice? He called the next day to say he had had a great time and we’ve chatted on the phone thrice already – I’m pretty sure that’s how many times I’ve chatted with Bachelor #1, including voicemail, and I’ve known him three times as long!!
But then, even though I’m currently living in the burbs, I am a city gal at heart, and hope to move back there as soon as financially viable and Bachelor #2 is soooo burbs. With Bachelor #2
I have visions of walking my 1.5 children down our long big suburb house walkway and entering my fabulous 5 bedroom + ‘single’ family dwelling with my perfectly manicured fake lawn and I’m screaming inside for a little walk-up flat with retro furnishings where I sit on the authentic hardwood floor sipping wine with friends while my man reads from his new novel…
Scenario #1 may be some women’s dream but scenario #2 is more like mine…I just don’t know which online category or site to pick him from. All is not as it seems on the internet: you categorize yourself; check the appropriate boxes and fill in the relevant templates for whom you’d like to meet, and how you want people to see you – the problem is are others really putting their real selves in the appropriate category?
Are you? Your new cybermate can match all your ‘criteria’ and still end up not being what you want them to be…
I wonder if I can inch Bachelor #1 more into #2’s template or more likely vice-versa…oh- and I forgot to tell you about Bachelor #3. Ooops!
Log off.
© culturalcruise, 2005
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